Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm In Charge Now

Attention everyone, I am in charge now, and the following will happen immediately:

The federal tax structure is changed to a FLAT TAX system based on GROSS INCOME for everyone. That's right, EVERYONE including low income folks and corporations, with no write offs. This will fix a lot of revenue issues while systematically dismantling the IRS. If you want benefits from a system, you must contribute to the system. Oh, and the top limit on social security and medicare wages is removed, which should fix the problems with those programs.

Income    -    Tax Rate
$0 - 25 K   -   2.35%
$25 K - $50 K   -   6.35%
$50 K - $100 K   -   8.35%
$100 K - $250 K   -   12.35%
$250 K - Unlimited   - 17.35%

Moving forward, our country will only spend what we take in, just like real American households. The income should be pretty good though, because ALL foreign aid stops today. Revenue generated in our country from taxing our citizens or other means stays within our borders.

Welfare programs are changed to mirror unemployment, meaning there are well-defined limits. You want something? Work for it. No jobs in your community or state? Move where the jobs are. Believe it or not, it’s what your forefathers did. If you think work is not for you and decide to take what you need from others, there are very efficient methods of accurately delivering small pieces of lead at very high velocities.

Contrary to what the east coast based media continues to tell us, there are jobs in this country folks. But they are jobs that most people don't want because they either aren't what they always dreamed of doing, or the job involves sweat and dirt. Most manufacturing and financial jobs have disappeared, but other sectors are doing well. There are good-paying jobs in Texas, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, and Alaska, with very low costs of living, and no state income taxes.

Speaking of jobs and business, anything sold in this country that wasn't made in this country gets an automatic 200% tariff imposed. That includes parts imported to assemble things and raw materials that are available here as well. Anything, and I mean anything, not physically manufactured in THIS country is subject to a 200% tariff. I am tired of U.S. companies outsourcing overseas to increase some CEO's bonus from 4 million to 6 million a year.

Labor unions are going back to doing what they were designed to do before organized crime got their hands in the pie. They should prevent workers from being disposable parts, insure quality training of their craftsmen, and administer how craftsmen are promoted. Of course, "craftsmen" is a genderless term, because I refuse to use twisted, tortured, politically correct terms just so one or two overly sensitive persons don't get their feelings hurt.

Hey butthead. Yeah, you. The guy who borrowed $160,000 to attend some small, private liberal arts college and get a degree in art history and Russian literature. Did you really think you would find a job using your degree? Really? If so, you are either delusional or stupid, and should be removed from the gene pool immediately. I don't care if it's been your life long dream. My life long dream was to be a professional baseball player. Do the same thing I did: get over it. You could have gone to welding school for 18-24 months and been making six figures a year before turning 30. Of course, you’d actually have to do some physical work for the money.

We're dismantling several cabinet level agencies: The departments of Housing and Urban Development, Health and Human Services, Commerce, Labor, Energy, and Education are gone effective immediately. They cost a bunch of money and no one seems to know what the tangible benefits of having these agencies. We're keeping a few pieces of the department of Agriculture, but it's mostly going away as well. Farm subsidies? Gone. The government is no longer in the business of paying someone for not growing something.

Our involvement in all wars outside of our borders ends today, and we are bringing our military home to defend our country and our laws. Within thirty days, every American military person is coming home to their family and friends with our deepest gratitude and respect for their service. I’m tired of old, privileged, upper-class white guys sending the middle and lower class to do their fighting. Seems a little medieval, don’t you think?

My promise is that we will NEVER again meddle in any country's affairs but our own, because we have more than enough to fix here. However, you also have my promise that if you kill one of us, we will kill 1,000 of you. Fly another plane into one of our buildings, and we will level your country, killing every man, woman, child, goat, and chicken in the process. You want Jihad? You got it.

People currently in our country illegally who have legitimate ties to the U.S., here is your green card and social security card. Welcome to America; you are now a tax payer. Your path to citizenship begins now and includes learning English and American history, and assimilating to our society. If you want to fly a flag of your home country at your home or business and don't want to learn English, go back where you came from. You came here because we do things differently here and have opportunities you did not have back home. Don't come here to live and work expecting us to change who we are for you.

Our national motto is changed to “Live and Let Live,” which means mind your own damn business. If another citizen’s actions ruffle your precious sensibilities but don’t impinge upon your rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, then get over it and move on. Notice I said "pursuit of happiness," not actual happiness.

Gay marriage? Approved. But, if someone doesn't want to bake a cake for your wedding, find another baker.

Abortion? Approved, but not paid for with public money. We don't care how poor you are. Condoms are cheap and so are oral contraceptives.

Marijuana? Legalized, and taxed at 200%, which gives users a serious price reduction while generating some serious revenue.

Death Penalty? Absolutely; imposed within 12 months of conviction in the county where the capital offense occurred. Public hangings on the courthouse lawn will show our children what happens when you do wrong.

You are allowed to tell people, "I can't do that, it's against my religion." You are not allowed to tell people, "You can't do that, it's against my religion." Your religion is your religion, not mine. Your belief system is your own, not mine. Telling each other how we should live our lives is how we ended up at each others throats in the first place.

You want to build a mosque in my neighborhood? Awesome, because houses of worship are always welcome. Just remember we have noise ordinances when the calls to prayer go out. And no, that doesn’t impinge on your religious freedom. I don’t practice Islam, and I don’t care when you pray, just as you shouldn’t care when I pray. But I do believe in prayer, so rock on.