from Napalm & Silly Putty
by George Carlin
Copyright © 2001 Comedy Concepts, Inc.
You, the People
In the midst of all my bitching, you might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. I leave that to others. And there’s no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. Everyone says they suck.
But where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky; they don’t pass through a membrane from a separate reality. They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches, and American businesses. And they’re elected by American voters. This is what our system produces. This is the best we can do. In our defense, we have very little to work with. Garbage in, garbage out.
Ignorant citizens elect ignorant leaders, it’s as simple as that. And term limits don’t help. All you get is a brand new bunch of ignorant leaders.
So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck; maybe it’s something else. Like the public. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: “The public sucks. Elect me.” Put the blame where it belongs: on the people.
Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don’t have people like that. Everyone’s at the mall or trying to get on reality TV. And complaining about the politicians.
Me, Vote? No!
For myself, I’ve solved this political dilemma in a very direct way. On Election Day, I stay home. Two reasons why:
First of all, voting is meaningless; this country was bought and paid for a long time ago. That empty shit they shuffle around and repackage every four years doesn’t mean a thing. And it doesn’t matter which party’s man is living at
Second, I don’t vote, because I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. I know people like to twist that around and say, “If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain.” But where is the logic in that? Think it through: if you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they screw things up, then you are responsible for what they’ve done because you voted them in. You caused the problem. and you have no right to complain.
I, on the other hand, who did not vote –– who, in fact, did not even leave the house on Election Day –– am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done, and have every right to complain about the mess you created. Which I had nothing to do with. Why can’t people see that?
Now, I realize next year you folks will have another one of those really swell presidential elections you treasure so much. I’m sure you will all have a great time, and believe your life will improve once your candidate wins.
But I’m happy to tell you that on Election Day I will stay home. And I’ll essentially do what you’ll do. The only difference is when I get finished masturbating, I’ll have something to show for it.
